Red ManLast week I didn’t make it to karate. Bummer too, cause I was supposed to take my yellow belt test. I was so prepared. That’s okay, though. I got to take it today. Passed. Woot! Now that that’s out of the way, let’s talk about Red Man.

<—– That’s Red Man. Now the way Sensei Sadist described Red Man is this: You’ve seen those cop shows were the guy is on drugs and just won’t go down. You can mace him, kick him, and punch him but he doesn’t feel the pain. That’s Red Man.

Sounds like fun. 🙂 I made it to green belt in my last karate dojo, so I’m familiar with sparring. Strike that. Tournament sparring.

Sensei Sadist put gave us two rules while transforming into Red Man. Rule #1: No pulling on the gear. Rule #2: No groin kicks.

No groin kicks? Fine. Be that way. Before I go any further, let me tell you a little about Tournament sparring. Main thing is no hits below the belt. Plus, you get extra points for head shots, especially kicks.

So Sensei Sadist gives us some advice: Get in and get out. Cause if Mr. Red Man grabs you, he’ll get you good.

WTH? Grab me? We’re sparring right? That doesn’t sound like tournament sparring. Sensei Sadist gave me a wicked smile. “No. This isn’t tournament sparring.”

First up was a second degree black belt. I quickly learned this was a fight for your life type of spar. One minute of constant whip ass. So I’m watching Red Man grab and pound this girl nonstop (of course she fought back, but still) and thinking you’ve got to be kidding me.

Next up was me. I started off well. But I tell you, I’m out of shape. STILL. Yeah Reena, you’ve given that excuse before. I’d say for the first 45 seconds I gave it all I had. Eventually I got tired.

Before I continue, I’ve got a story for you. Years ago when I was in high school, I had this friend who said her ex-boyfriend beat her. She said some days he’d get so out of hand all she could do was lay in the corner exhausted and let him finish. Not making light of her situation, but holy hell. That’s that’s how I felt the last 15 seconds. I just wanted to lay down in the corner and let him finish me off.

The second round was even worse. I think I lasted 30 seconds before it was all over for me. I probably let him pummel me for a full five seconds while he had me in a headlock once. Okay. Maybe more than once. Yeah, it didn’t feel so great, but at least he held me up. The third round I was so tired I practically just let him beat me unfettered. He actually yelled at me to hit back. “Kick me! Do a roundhouse!” Dude, my legs are barely keeping me standing.

I left the dojo tonight with wobbly legs, a sore nose, and a severe headache. Good news though. I’ve lost a total of 3 lbs since joining. Very slow weight loss, but that’s okay. As long as it’s coming off and not going on, I’m good.

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