Okay. Here’s the deal. I have two daughters (13 and 17 years old). From time to time, I bring up the topic of sex. I’m not sure what prompted it this time, something about a song I was singing in the car. Anyway, I often open up the discussion with the question: Would you tell me if you’re having sex? or If you were going to have sex, would you tell me?
Well, the 13 year-old and I were heading home and I popped the question. Her answer this time was “maybe.” I’m not surprised though. Sometimes I’ll get a yes, other times I’ll get a maybe. I’ve never received a no. Knock on wood.
So I got the maybe answer. Of course I want to know under which circumstances she’ll tell me and which she won’t. As if she knows the future. 🙂 I know, silly, but I asked. And surprise, surprise. She didn’t have an answer. That led to more silly questions from me. Let’s just see how this went.
Me: What if a guy said, “If you love me, you’ll have sex with me. Everyone’s doing it.” (Yeah…retarded role-play, I know.)
Daughter: Everyone’s not having sex.
Me: How do you know everyone’s not having sex? (I kind of broke out of the role here. I really wanted to know how she knew that. Yeah, I was having a brain fart.)
Yeah. Like I said, brain fart. It’s like she pulled out the “If all your friend jump off the cliff, are you going to follow?”
Anyway. One I got over my idiocy, we were able to have an intelligent conversation. Without going into too much detail, mostly about the emotional side of sex, and that it wasn’t just a physical adventure like portrayed on television.
Sure the discussion was a bit one-sided with me sharing my hopes that she’ll choose wisely. IE, have a wonderful sexual relationship with someone who cares for her and vice versa (hopefully her husband when the time comes). Yeah, I’m old fashioned that way. Don’t get me wrong, I know the odds are against her making it to marriage a virgin and staying married to that one person, but I can still hope.
Another question I asked her: Do you think you’ll make it out of high school without having sex? Her response: Probably.
Sex can be such a special time with the right person. It’s too bad sometimes people end up having bad experiences with the wrong person. Like I told my 13 year-old. I can tell her the importance of waiting for hopefully the right person, but she won’t really know the true importance until after the fact. I’ve already made my relationship and sexual choices. I can’t make hers for her. I can only try to give her the information so she can make an informed decision.
Well, thanks for listening to me ramble.
So, people! How do you bring up the topic of sex with your children? What type of issues do you discuss?